On a board that I belong to, one of the girls asked some questions about how to handle feelings when a man desires to take another slave.  I did my best to offer what I could from my own thoughts and experiences.   The following is that post.

Hello bessieslave.

>>>"...now, i never thought I would have to share my Master..."<<<

I sure know how you feel, bessieslave. When I first began my life with my owner, he had no interest in owning another slave. When he first began talking about it, I was shocked and I even felt devastated. I kept thinking that it was something that I was lacking that caused him to seek another. Surely it must be my fault - I’m not pretty enough, smart enough, pleasing enough, etc.

I learned, through several months of communication with him about it, that the only thing he desires that I cannot do is simply being two women. I can't be two women. He desires two women. I no longer feel as if it is my fault or the result of my shortcomings.

The communication that transpired between us was the key. I’m really not allowed to hide the way I feel from him so as my feelings surfaced, I begged to talk about them and we did. We still have bumps - even big ones - but we overcome them each time with real effort and open communication. He's a pretty wise person and always seems to have the solutions.

>>>"my question is this...how did you deal with having another chain sister?"<<<

lily has been my chain sister since September; however, she doesn't live here with us yet. It may be years before that is possible but she is still very much a part of our daily lives at every moment.

I was fortunate that my owner wanted my sincere input in his choosing. He had no desire to collar a girl that I wouldn't get along with. I believe that often, men will look at the multiple slave situation like it comes straight from the books... they don't seem to care if the girls get along or not - their solution is to tell the girls to simply deal with it. In reality, this seldom if ever works if the girls just don't like each other.

My owner watches us interact. He often spends evenings just sitting back and listening to us talk. He enjoys it very much and encourages our relationship to flourish. His observations of our behavior are just one more tool that he uses to mold and shape the relationship into what he wants it to be - and he wants it to be something that not only pleases and benefits him, but that is of great benefit to all of us. He wants the relationship itself to be greater than the sum of its parts.

I have long believed that a relationship between three people is not one, singular relationship. It is four separate relationships that all must work in order for it to succeed. There is the first relationship, and that is between Master and slave A. Then there is the relationship between Master and slave B. Next is the relationship between slave A and slave B, and finally, the relationship between them all together as a whole.

Making all four of these aspects work takes a great deal of conscious effort from all three people and frank and open communication becomes even more important.

Another issue that is often brushed under the rug and declared "unslavelike" is jealousy. "Jealousy is unbecoming in a slave" is something that I have heard many times from many different lifestyle people. The reality is that people are human, humans get jealous. Females, for the most part, are biologically and genetically geared to protect their offspring - even if they don't have children, their instincts are the same. When another woman comes into the picture, jealousy will almost always rear its ugly head. Another woman will (as far as the human instinct registers) threaten her security. This isn't because the girl is not a slave - it is because millions of years of evolution and conditioning don't easily strip away a woman's natural urges and reactions.

I believe the answer to this is again, communication. It is very hard for me to admit to my owner that I am feeling jealous during those times, but I do. I say, "Master, I’m starting to feel jealous." or something like that and he then instructs me to explain how I feel and why I believe I feel that way and we work it out. That is certainly a much better way to deal with it in my opinion than keeping it all inside and allowing it to periodically explode. *chuckles* My owner completely accepts the fact that we girls will be jealous from time to time. He does not, however, accept our expression of that jealousy if it takes the form of tantrums, bitchiness, rudeness, etc.

Jealousy cannot be "stamped out" in most cases. It will probably show up from time to time throughout the duration of the relationship. The important thing is that it CAN be dealt with, coped with, and handled as long as open communication is permitted and utilized.

>>>"...did you like her at first?...did you hate her and want her gone?"<<<

Oh I loved her at first and love her even more now. I don't believe I’ve ever wanted her gone, in fact there have been times when she had given thought to giving up and I did everything I could to convince her to stay. I am very fortunate to have her for my chain sister. I do get jealous sometimes but my love for her doesn't change.

I would imagine that if my owner just picked some girl I didn't even know, I might be inclined to dislike her at first - but I think that is natural. I’m happy that my owner allowed my input to be a part of his choice.

>>>"so, for the first girls or anyone who can offer advice, how do you deal with this?"<<<

Well, I communicate, I am direct and honest about my feelings. I try to always keep an open mind but I do my best to put his needs at the forefront of my thinking and my actions at all times. I know, however, that his owning another slave is not going to ruin my life, make me miserable, or deny me the fulfillment that I need as his slave.

There are some women who just aren't wired to be in a "poly" type situation. I don't believe that any woman should be in that type of situation at the expense of her own happiness or fulfillment. Regardless of our station, we do have needs as human beings. In the long run, no one wants to look back at their life and realize that they spent it in years of misery, just so they wouldn't be viewed as being "unslavelike."

Each girl, in my opinion, is different and will react differently. If all the communication and reassurance in the world won't change her feelings of misery and insecurity about another slave, and he is adamant that he must have one, then maybe the girl should reevaluate her situation and move on. This doesn't make her any less of a slave - it simply makes her one more unique and different female in a world full of billions of them.

If the girl is wired to be able to overcome and cope with the trials that a poly household set out, then the small, temporary situations of insecurity and unhappiness may be greatly outweighed by the benefits of having another person in her life to love and share with.

Believe me, the benefits seem to be plentiful. I often find myself thinking of all of the things we can do together when she lives here - just us two girls when we are not in the direct service of my Master. Shopping, housework (grin), snuggling and watching movies, laughing until our tummies and cheeks hurt, sharing clothes, and doing girly things like doing each other's makeup and hair, but most importantly, we can support each other on our path of servitude to the man we worship and love. We can be a constant arm of support when the other is weary, depressed, or unsure and I believe that a love can be forged between two girls that is almost as strong as that formed between Master and slave. I know that my love for lily is quite profound and that while the presence of a second slave does present obstacles and hurdles, I can overcome them with the help of both my owner and my sister.

It will not be an easy road for us, Master, lily, and I - but it will be one paved with joys that far outnumber the hardships, of that I am sure. I truly hope, bessieslave, that you find the same and that if your owner does add another girl to his chain, that you also reap the rewards that having a chain sister can bring to you.

***addendum - While lily has been released since this essay was written, I still believe in everything it says, stands for, and the possibilities it presents.  I believe that a woman can find joy serving beside another...  I know that I did find that while I served beside lily.