The following is a post that I wrote to a slave's board in reply to a woman who brought forth two issues.  The first was that over the one and a half years she and her owner had been together, he had pretty much stopped sessioning her or offering that type of reinforcement.  They had almost become "vanilla" in their interaction together.   The second issue had to do with the fact that he didn't call himself Gorean.

Conscious Mastery & Surrender.

In the years that I have been his slave, my owner and I have faced many things. One of which was the occasional tendency to become somewhat complacent within the confines of the relationship - but we learned from it.

Surrender and mastery are not passive activities. One must actively surrender and continue on a path of active submission and on the flipside, a man must actively master his girl in order for her to remain "owned" in my opinion.

People are human and even if, at the core of their being, they are defined as master or slave, it doesn't just happen by itself and when faced with times when the mundanity of every day eats away at those boundaries that a slave used to be shown, it can be disheartening and confusing.

I am not afraid or ashamed to admit that I am one who craves the reinforcement that active mastery brings. While my slavery and behavior is not dependent on beatings, bondage, or discipline, when Master chooses to administer these things to me it sends me to a place of profound security and reinforcement and sometimes it very much helps to offset the imbalance that is thrown at us every day by the continuous grind of daily life. I am often reduced to begging for these things and it pleases him to know that I am so humbled by my needs that I would beg for something of that extreme nature as before he owned me, I would have sooner eaten my arm before doing so.

There are many other things that do take me to a similar place, i.e. when I greet my owner every morning with a kiss to his feet and on his return home - or time that I spend at his feet. The manner in which I bathe him and also the collar and the chains that I wear daily around both wrists and ankles. These things are all subtle yet profound in themselves, offering that reinforcement that further fuels my belly and desire to be his humble servant.

Boundaries and reinforcements are something that I believe all slaves crave in some way or another. Some crave it in a more extreme fashion while others crave only the most subtle things. They are, however, a necessary ingredient in the fulfillment of a slave. If she feels no boundaries and if she feels no reinforcement from him, how is it that she is to feel owned? And if she spends each day not feeling owned, then how is it that she will be fulfilled as a slave? I believe when it comes to every day, real life M/s relationships, the slave that doesn't need these things is a myth.

If something happened and all of a sudden my owner no longer required me at his feet, no longer wished for me to kiss them, and he no longer exerted all of the other things in the proper balance of the M/s relationship to make me feel owned, I would feel somewhat unfulfilled or insecure. That isn't to say that I wouldn't continue to actively do these things but if I felt that he didn't really care either way - it would be very difficult.

There is a touted ideal in the way some believe Gorean M/s should be as well as some other forms of M/s that says that the slave receives all of her pleasure just by serving and that she must be very strong so that she can maintain her station all the time and avoid any and all correction because she has surrendered. Some people even further states that if the slave needs the man to take an active role in Mastery that she really isn't a slave but more of a selfish princess, etc. It goes on and on.

If the girl is already surrendered and requires no Mastery from a man - if her only joy comes from being of service - then why would she seek a strong, dominant man? She would be happy serving anyone, and furthermore, how necessary would that man truly be if she was able to and was happy to Master herself? If she always conquered her own spirit and always exhibited complete and perfect control, then what is he Mastering and controlling?

My owner and I have been together for more than 5 years. During this time, the mundanity of every day has managed to creep in and offset the balance from time to time. The ONLY way to handle it is to beg to talk about it. As a slave, sometimes it is very hard to admit that you crave something or that you even need or want something but a man will only know what it is that you crave if you tell him. Be brutally and completely honest and bare even your difficult thoughts to him. Do your best to do so in whatever manner he finds the most pleasing but make sure you hold nothing back. He then can make whatever decision he feels is best but your brain and your mouth are his tools and his property. Beg to talk to him and use both to keep him informed as to how his property is feeling - only then will he have all of the information he needs to decide a course of action. The hardest part is that after giving him that information, as long as you are still his slave then whatever his choice is, you must accept it, however, if he owns you than he owns all of you and that includes the rough spots as well.

As far as labels are concerned, I am one of those people who doesn't put a great deal of stock into them. My owner has never called himself Gorean and probably never will. He chooses that we live our lives as a testament to who we are and believe it or not, there are many men out there who believe he is indeed a Gorean man. Others may not. He doesn't really care either way. I could call myself a Lego but unless I'm made of plastic and have little round bumps and divots, I'm only fooling myself and on the other hand, I could stop calling myself a slave but that would have no affect on who I am. A label is something that we humans seem to need in order to identify other things. My owner, however, prefers that people get to know him before they decide what his "identity" is and that works for him. He claims to follow no set philosophy but rather lives his life by his own choices and what is best for him. *smiles* Perhaps your owner feels the same and to me, there is no problem at all with that.

There are many out there who believe that a slave should squish her less basic needs down and suffer if they are continually not being met. There are many who believe that she should live her life and be unfulfilled if her life with her owner is unfulfilling using the old "she made her bed..." philosophy. I am not one of those. If you have needs, then I believe you should beg to share them with your owner. If you feel insecure because the relationship has taken a turn into unfamiliar or unfulfilling territory, then tell him. If you are beginning to feel even a little bit unhappy - then beg to talk about it because even though the cure for the ills of a relationship is conscious action, the catalyst for such action is communication and if you do not offer it, you could be doing a disservice to you both. The direction the relationship takes after you share your thoughts is still his decision, however, I would be hard pressed to find a real man and master who would completely disregard his property's feelings and toss them aside.

I do not know how much talking you and your owner have done about the situation and I don't mean to imply that you haven't - I am just offering what it is that keeps my owner and myself happy and fulfilled in our lives. It is honesty and communication and a conscious effort and drive to actively be who we are. It is hard work - Mastery and slavery. No one is perfect and life has a way of throwing a wrench in here and there but with hard work, the wrenches can be effectively dislodged and thrown to the wayside.