Cavalier on Tolerance or Intolerance, That Is The Question

Tolerance Or Intolerance, That Is The Question

Recently a question was posed that, I'm sure, many of us have asked ourselves if not others, regarding the bastardization or commercialization or the lifestyle by those who are jumping on the latest bandwagon.

While I abhor the "bastardizing" of the life that I have chosen to live 24/7 by those whose motives many "serious" students and practitioners of our lifestyle would call into question, there is a danger in becoming less and not more tolerant.

We would all like to have our choices accepted. Unfortunately, it is not only the vanilla contingent of family, friends, etc. who often refuse to extend tolerance for our choices, but many in the lifestyle as well, i.e. "My perversion is ok, but yours is not!" I cannot plead total innocence either as I have, in the past, sat in judgment of those who held different viewpoints than my own regarding this lifestyle.

Recently some members of a church group, which has for sometime accepted and embraced those of the Gay lifestyle, when the discussion turned to the church recognizing poly marriages, were quite vocal against such consideration. Hardly a tolerant view for those who expect and even demand tolerance from others.

J. Mikael Togneri, in his essay on Safe, Sane and Consensual entitled, “Superficial, Shallow And Condemnatory”,

(http://www.leathernroses.com/mikael/mikaelssc.htm for those of you who would care to read the entire article.)

claims that SS&C:

“has thus far been an abysmal failure”

“SS&C is nothing more noble than an attempt to regulate the entire lifestyle so that it remains little more than kinky sex. It allows the self-styled BDSM Police to keep peddling their own superficial and shallow approach as the only acceptable way, whilst condemning anyone who disagrees with them.”

“SS&C has nothing to do with a sound principle that everyone adheres to anyway. Its only practical function is character assassination. To be for SS&C is to be in at least tacit support of witch-hunts against groups and individuals in this lifestyle, with whose practices one does not personally agree.”

While I don’t necessarily agree the Mr. Togneri’s assessment of the need or success of Safe, Sane & Consensual, he does make one very good point. “Who has the right or is qualified to sit in judgment?”

Perhaps, instead of railing against and condemning those that we feel may not represent our lifestyle the way that we would, it would be best to set the better example by how we live the lifestyle and to reach out with correct information for those who are seeking to learn.

A long time ago someone said “I don’t care what the newspapers say about me as long as they spell my name right.” There is no small amount of truth there. “Any advertising is good advertising” they say on Madison Avenue. The more people who talk about and bring our lifestyle out of the closet, the faster we will all have the acceptance and understanding that we would all like.

If we show the “vanilla” world that reasonable, intelligent, thoughtful, tolerant people live this lifestyle, then true beauty and benefits of the life will become more apparent to those on the outside and those who are just riding the latest fad or taking advantage will fade away as they always do.