On a board that I belong to, one of the girls mentioned that she had a friend who was thinking of surrendering to the man in her life.  Us girls were asked to offer what advice we could give to her before she took that step.   The following is that post.

What an excellent topic and one that I fear doesn't get brought up often enough in some cases. Often girls are so swept up in what they think it will be (and what they want it to be) that they don't fully realize the many other aspects that it can and will be.

I believe that before that profound moment a girl should be very clear on the issue of change. I see two sides to the coin of change (no pun intended).

The first side is one that I believe should be given thought to when entering any type of serious relationship. Many times I have heard my friends say, "Well, I really don't like this aspect about him but I'm sure it will change once we're married," etc.

This couldn't be furthest from the truth. While your surrender may change your relationship to a great degree, the collar won't make any or all of the negative aspects of a relationship (if they exist) go away or change. Be prepared to deal with that. They may change on their own, but it usually won't be the collar (or ring) that does it. Furthermore, beneath the umbrella of the ethos of "Natural Order", it is the woman who becomes the chameleon. She does not seek to change him to fit her own needs but instead seeks to change herself to better serve him and mold herself to his needs.

The flipside of the change coin is this. No person stays static. We all change to some degree. Don't expect this man (to whom you are about to give your absolute surrender) to have the same wants, needs, desires, even kinks that he does now. Maybe now he says he's a "one slave man" but that might change. He might decide he wants another over time. Are you prepared for that? Your surrender means that you relinquish the right to choose as long as you remain in that collar. Are you willing to share him with another woman if it is his desire? Are you willing to truly be subject to his will and whim, even if they change tomorrow? What if he decides he wants you to change your career? What if he determines that a friend of yours really isn't a good influence and demands that you cut all contact?

Along with the above mentioned flipside comes trust. I understand that we don't ever "know" another person "absolutely" but we do the best we can before we take that step of jumping off the precipice. Do you really trust him? Would you trust him with your life? Because surrender means that you are essentially giving that life to him to do with as he pleases.

I also think that along with everything else comes the time for a mental dip in the reality pool. The fantasy of the life of a surrendered slave is usually painted quite beautifully within a woman's head. It is chock-full of visions of being conquered and dominated, controlled and desired, and filled with thoughts of serving, silks, and sex.

While the reality of surrender may (and often does) include these things, it also includes the reality of not only every day life, but his whim as well. At 4 am, when he decides he wants to get up early and have coffee and he rolls you out of the bed (if you are indeed priveleged enough to sleep in one) and tells you to go make his coffee and you have only been sleeping for 3 hours and your first instinct it to tell him to get it himself, are you going to be hurt because this doesn't fit in with the fantasy you painted and controlled in your own head? When 4 days (or even a few weeks) go by when you haven't been able to kneel at his feet and sachet around fetching his drinks or be the constant, ultimate object of his sexual desire because of the infringement of jobs, (possibly kids) and other mundane issues that keep getting in the way, are you willing to serve him in the less glamorous ways? Are you prepared to make a place for the mundane in a life that you may have painted to be anything but?

I know that the above sounds harsh, almost pessimistic, but I have seen so many girls come out disappointed, hurt, even devistated because they had painted an image in their head of what it was all going to be like and that vision turned out to be nothing like the real thing at all. Once you've surrendered, he controls the brush and paints the path of your life. He may ask you for advice, opinions, thoughts, etc., but ultimately the choices are his and as long as you want to remain in that collar, you have surrendered the right to demand anything - and that includes having a say in his choices.

On a different note, something I hadn't thought of before embarking on my own journey - Are you prepared to be permanently changed and to never be able to go back to the woman you were beforehand? Surrender changes a woman. Enslavement changes a woman. Once you are completely and utterly beneath his hand, you will be forever changed and if you realize fulfillment in this glorious path of slavery, it is quite possible that anything less will no longer hold any interest for you. The regular relationship (vanilla so to speak) is something that may never again be a fulfilling possibility for you.

Over time, a great many of the bumps will smooth over and as you learn, adapt, and mold yourself to the man you serve, they will become less and less. You will find that your acquiescence becomes second nature and that the much desired (and often elusive) symbiosis can be achieved but not without conscious effort and a true desire to learn, accept, serve, trust, obey, please, and be pleasing.

*smiles*

Sounds like a rough road. It is - but it can be the most fulfilling, beautiful, rewarding, and natural way of life. I know that it is for me.

I truly hope that your friend enjoys and thrives in her future life of servitude. I hope she faces the challenges with determination and succeeds in her slavery and most of all I hope she finds the same joy and fulfillment that I have found.